


If I Had Ever Been Here Before (I Would Probably Know Just What to Do)

by Nightdog_Barks



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Dark, Episode Related, Hallucinations, Mental Breakdown, Murder, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-30
Updated: 2009-05-30
Packaged: 2017-10-18 07:07:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/186283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightdog_Barks/pseuds/Nightdog_Barks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the long, dark night of the soul breeds monsters.  589 words.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Had Ever Been Here Before (I Would Probably Know Just What to Do)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Unexplored Possibilities](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/2956) by daasgrrl. 



> This is a scenario I'd been thinking about for a few days, and was sparked to life by [](http://daasgrrl.livejournal.com/profile)[**daasgrrl**](http://daasgrrl.livejournal.com/)'s fantastic story [Unexplored Possibilities](http://daasgrrl.livejournal.com/101121.html). The title and LJ-cut text are from the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song "Deja Vu." Complete lyrics may be found [here](http://www.lyricstime.com/crosby-stills-nash-young-deja-vu-lyrics.html).

_**Houseficlet: If I Had Ever Been Here Before (I Would Probably Know Just What to Do)**_  
 **Title:** If I Had Ever Been Here Before (I Would Probably Know Just What to Do)  
 **Author:** [](http://nightdog-writes.livejournal.com/profile)[**nightdog_writes**](http://nightdog-writes.livejournal.com/)  
 **Characters:** House, Amber, Wilson  
 **Rating:** A strong "R" for subject matter and theme.  
 **Warnings:** Yes, for theme and subject matter.  
 **Spoilers:** Yes, in a generalized way for the Season 5 finale.  
 **Summary:** Sometimes the long, dark night of the soul breeds monsters. 589 words.  
 **Disclaimer:** Don't own 'em. Never will.  
 **Author Notes:** This is a scenario I'd been thinking about for a few days, and was sparked to life by [](http://daasgrrl.livejournal.com/profile)[**daasgrrl**](http://daasgrrl.livejournal.com/) 's fantastic story [Unexplored Possibilities](http://daasgrrl.livejournal.com/101121.html). The title and LJ-cut text are from the Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young song "Deja Vu." Complete lyrics may be found [here](http://www.lyricstime.com/crosby-stills-nash-young-deja-vu-lyrics.html).  
 **Beta:** My intrepid First Readers, with especial thanks to [](http://topaz-eyes.livejournal.com/profile)[**topaz_eyes**](http://topaz-eyes.livejournal.com/) and [](http://blackmare-9.livejournal.com/profile)[**blackmare_9**](http://blackmare-9.livejournal.com/).

 **If I Had Ever Been Here Before (I Would Probably Know Just What to Do)**

  
If House tilts his head at just the right angle, the handprint on his cheek looks like a big smear of lipstick. Or maybe it _is_ lipstick, he's not really sure, although he doesn't remember being kissed.

He squints, tilts his head in the other direction. A long strand of dark hair curls over his shoulder and down his sleeve.

Of course, he doesn't remember calling her, either, but he must have -- why else would she have shown up at his door? He's a good customer, but only in the payment department -- it's not like a hooker is ever going to take him on because of his sparkling conversational skills, much less his scintillating personality.

"Life of the party," House mumbles.

So he must have called her, or rather, called the service, even though he has no memory of placing the order.

"What _do_ you remember?"

House doesn't look around. He can see Amber well enough out of the corner of his eye. He flexes the fingers of his right hand; there's a dull ache in the muscles, the _flexor pollicis brevis_ , the extensor tendons. The collateral ligaments throb in both of his hands. He watches his fingers flex. What _does_ he remember?

He'd been in Cuddy's office. She'd been packing up to go home, shoving papers into her briefcase. She had to hurry because of that brat of hers, something about nannies and overcharges and double time, what do you want, House, I have to leave. A flash of blonde in his peripheral vision, yellow-shine in the dim light like wolf's eyes.

"Bitch," Amber murmurs. "Suckling her adopted bastard."

He'd said something. He hadn't meant it, or maybe he had. It's all mixed up in his head now, a low-level hum from everywhere and nowhere.

So he'd come home, negotiating the drive on autopilot. And called the service, the one he always uses. And they'd sent someone, and he'd said something to _her_ \--

At least, he thinks he did. Maybe he didn't.

The sudden knock at the apartment door catches him by surprise, and he steps back from the sink. The knocking comes again, followed this time by a familiar voice.

 _"House! Are you okay? Let me in!"_

"He should just leave you alone," Amber purrs. "But if you don't open the door he'll just make it worse."

"What should I do?" House whispers. He notices with clinical detachment that his hands are trembling.

Amber shakes her head. "Only what you should've done a long time ago." She rests her chin on his shoulder and smiles.

"Go ahead," she says. "You know you want to."

House nods. "Yes," he murmurs. "Yes."

The hum in his ears dies away, replaced by the sound of his own breathing and Wilson's continued knocking.

In the bedroom the hooker lies unmoving on House's bed, a broken doll with glassy eyes fixed on the ceiling. Livid, finger-shaped bruises creep from beneath the belt drawn tight around her throat. He doesn't spare her a second glance as he makes his way towards the door.

On the way there he stops for a moment, swings his cane sideways as if scything a stand of winter wheat. Dissatisfied, he swings again, putting more torque behind it, grunting softly with the effort. The shaft whistles through the air.

"That's it," Amber says, and House repeats it to himself.

"That's it," he says, and goes to open the door.

  
~ fin


End file.
